and i should be cleaning.

i hate that boy that likes to keep me out in the rain.
excpet that is a complete lie. i dont hate him, if i hated
him i wouldnt be writing this.
i shouldnt talk to him ever again
i really shouldnt.
but please, who am i kidding, i still talk to chris when he calls...
chris wanted to do something tomorrow but he hasnt called me back
and w/e im not seeing him tomorrow, if he doesnt call before noon.
i will refuse.
im tired of being pushed around
and taken advantage of by boys...
but i suppose i do it to myself.
maybe im just over sensitive?
idk y i let myself feel this way,
i really should stop it.
i heard the song call me when you're sober on the radio, it reminds me of chris....alot.
fuck boys. fuck ppl that lie.
sadly that pretty much wipes out most of the population.

and i am alone again.

today i hung out with ali today and then she ditched me for her bf seth. that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. i hate when friends dump me for their bfs or gfs. its like im good enough to hang out with while the significant other is out, but im just a replacement, a stand in.
ali is insistant that i pursue glenn, we'll see. ill talk to him tomorrow at work.

emotionally dead.

i feel like i want to cry, but that i just cant anymore.
my head is pounding
i hate this. i want to be mad at him,
but i just feel bad because he thinks im mad.
why cant everything just go right?
i am so tired, but i cant sleep.
i hope he calls me tonight when he can.
i hate feeling like this.

i hate my parents.

i cannot stand my mom, i hope she falls in a hole. she was like what do you have for plans for this afternoon and she was fine with me having them and i told her that i didnt have any set ones yet, and she was like okay call if you do something. so i got on the phone with ali and i called my mom and i was like can i watch a movie with ali this afternoon and she got all huffy and was liek you need to read and fuck that, it is just because it was ali. and then my dad calls me and was like you need to read. i cannot stand my parents. i really cant bear to tolerate them right now. i dont know what crawled my mom's ass and died. i am so sick of her. she makes me want to jump off a bridge. i cant take her. whatever, my parents are not high on my list of favorite people currently.

...

i am drained emotionally and mentally. i have been so melancholy lately. i feel like i have a total lack of people that will, or currently are, supporting me. it isnt very encouraging. i dont want to go out, i dont want to even be awake. i need to go out though, giving way to sleeping all the time is not going to help me, but i need to go out with ppl that i feel like they actually want me around. very long, tiring, bad day. i had to go to josh's mother's wake. it was horrible, she died suddenly of a heart attack at 40. he is devastated. :[. i really need to talk to someone that is going to really listen.