the friends i thought i had.

so, the friends that i thoguht i had think im judgmental, dont want me around or includied, and prefer to go behidn my back about things because ill "be happier not knowing". i swear to fuckign god, if one more person tries to tell me that, i am going to lose it. i always find out what i was explicitly left out of, and it is worse in the end. i dont believe that anyway, i think when ppl tell me that it is a cop-out, a made up excuse that they fall back on so that i dont get mad and so they dont look like absolute jerks. and why even ask them? because i tried to think positively, i gave them thebenefit of the doubt, thinking oh, well sinc i came inin the middle of he convo they figured that some one woud catch me up and then thy just forgot. but no. i was trying not to just assume, because i used to do that alot, so i was liek there is no use having any reaction until i hear what really happned. i thought, they are my friends, they wouldnt do this on purpose, i need to have more faith in people. so much for trying not to jump to conclusions... i hate high school. im so done with the ppl i go to school with. and i am all for trying to be honest and do a reality check, but being tactful and timing it right isnt so much to ask it is? so i just feel about 100times worse about myself.
its pretty sick that when mike, of all people, called and wanted to know what was wrong because i was crying, was able to be supportive and tried to help me see what their reasoning process might have been without making me feel like a complete ogre.
its been such a bad couple days, and i didnt need this too.