today i learned i am an insomniac

so at least for entry one there are events enough going on for a mildly interesting post. it is an absurdly early 1.59am and i am up. why? because i cannot sleep, i lay still and try as i might i just cannot fall asleep. i am also awake because i just spent a good hour or so on the phone with chris because i havent talked to him in days. damn him to hell, i have to see him on saturday for his party. he says though that he does want to get together with me and make plans and such. fucking bullshit liar, he is good at theater, he also has a talent for applying concepts. screw him and fugz, i hope they are happy enough together ::gag::

so today patrick made me cry. i had been having an emotionally stable month amid the turmoil and such i am dealing with. an uncensored good natured remark sent me over the edge to tears. it wasnt really his fault though. i hope that scott does turn out to at least be mildly interested in me, at least as a friend. i keep being told he is not scum, very reassuring. so hopefully i have encouraging enough people to comment on here that i dont get discouraged and stop updating.... :\ we'll see.